It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
