just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
