life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize