Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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