I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
