As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
