sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
