So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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