So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
