i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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