Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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