Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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