I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize