Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
