Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
