We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
