who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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