don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
