When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
