if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
