Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
