I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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