I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
