Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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