I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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