I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
