I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if only i could text you this smell
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
