btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
