some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
