i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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