i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
