I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
