just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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