there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
