Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ketchup is God's man juice
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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