god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
