Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize