I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
