Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
