Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
