Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
