Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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