Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
