Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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