When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
