If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize