I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
