I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
