don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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