I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
