Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Couch. On fire.
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