hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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