I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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