i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh god it's open bar.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
