So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
