We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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