Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize