The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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