I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
