You smell like a Billy Joel song
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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