Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
