You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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