I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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