He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
